How do you feel?

I was having a conversation about a current case, when I was asked this question. I could not come up with the right words. I could not come up with the right words because I have so many emotions going on at once. I’m known for bottling up emotions and just dealing with facts, so when I was straight out asked I had to take the lid off of the bottle and let them out. I am going to share a few with you:

Angry: because how can you not be a black person in America and not be angry at what seems like a never-ending cycle of violence against black people simply for being black.

Anxious: because I have the opportunity to truly effectuate change on so many levels and do not want to fail my client or my community.

Conflicted: because while I truly want, wish, and pray for peaceful protests, I recognize that peaceful protests have not brought about much needed change. But I also don’t want to see anymore bloodshed – whether it be at the hands of law enforcement or other ill-willed individuals.

Determined: to change my city and state (nationally if I can, but definitely starting at home first). Change the way we police. Change our laws. Change the way we approach local elections. Change the criminal justice system. Just Change to make this world better and easier to be a black person in America.

Heartbroken: as I talk to my client and internalize her pain. I have a 24-year old daughter and cannot imagine how I could get by if this happened to her. Heartbroken as I listen to a young man on a 911 call pleading for help, not knowing that the very people that killed his best friend in life were the same people he thought would come to help. They didn’t provide help though, they arrested and charged him with attempted murder.

Hopeful: that white America is as tired as black people are and join our call to action for change.

These are only a few of the emotions running through me right now. It can be overwhelming at times, but I will continue to push through. I must push through for my client, myself, my daughter, and my community. To those of you that send me the occasional messages of support – you have no idea how much it is needed to know that you are right there fighting alongside my client, my co-counsels, and me. Let’s change the world together.